2013

One more day and another year will have come and gone.We use to write down our resolutions and our weight each year but the time has past for those things now.I am sitting in Pump It Up with Cash- his reward for helping me with some gutters in Calhoun.He asked me if I was the boss of everything,I told him that was Gods job.Didnt tell him how relieved I was about that.There are many seasons in our lives.I use to remember Grandmother telling me she was tired and ready to go "home" .I understand now what she was saying.I was thinking of all the family and friends who have gone "home" and I still miss them and guess I always will.Life is a series of fleeting moments that are ours to capture if we only will.May each of you experience love,peace and abundance in the coming year

Prayer Warrior

Losing has always been painful for me.My first loss was my Dad when I was 5.I'm still dealing with that one 55 years after the fact.As we get older we become experienced losers.People we love,ideals dreams,our youth our work and some things or causes we have given our life to.After I finished running this morning I sat down in the basement and read one of Jolene's prayer journals.The year was 2007.Pretty much our whole time in foster care-13 years she had kept a prayer journal.She consistently and faithfully prayed for all the kids and family and things she needed in her life.While reading I felt such a profound since of loss for all of us.We all lost a faithful prayer warrior ,primarily because of my thoughtless actions.The only person that ever prayed so fervently for me was Jolene.All the children that have been in our life were probably like I was ,oblivious to the value of someone each day lifting you up to the One who makes everything so. Don't get me wrong prayers are still being sent up for all we love .All the kids are grown and prayers sent up long ago have been mostly answered but many prayers will be on going- for safety,peace ,love, purpose and ,forgiveness.Maybe the best thing we gave them was a model of how a family could be and that the one constant in this old world is God's love for each of us.He gives us angels to help us get through it all  took me a while to recognize mine.

50 Years Ago

Last week marked the 50 th anniversary of JFK's assassination .I was sitting in my 3rd grade class and I can still hear Mrs Gaskill crying as the news came over the intercom.It was one of the saddest periods in our countries history.All the events were broadcast over all 3 of our tv channels which were picked up over an antennae which we installed on our roof.Russia was our countries biggest threat and many of our richest neighbors had bomb shelters.At school we had bomb drills where we would literally get under our desks in case of an attack.Seems crazy now when I think back on it.At first everyone was sure the Russians were responsible.The Kennedy's were the family everyone wanted to be like-all good looking,smart, rich.John Kennedy could inspire an entire nation with his speeches and made us feel like nothing was impossible.He challenged us to put a man on the moon and we did!He stood up to Castro in Cuba and Krueschef in Russia -He seemed invincible .He inherited a war in Vietnam .Their was also a racial split in the country.Schools were segregated.Blacks rode in the back of the bus and they had separate bathrooms and drinking fountains.All those things seem ridiculous now but not back then.A lady named Eva Lou Ragland lived with us for about a year-she was black.The Klue Klux Klan KKK burned a cross in our yard.It was a challenging time for everyone,especially the president.He inspired us to serve with the phase "Ask not what your country can do for you ,but what you can do for your country."He started the Peace Corp.An organization that young people joined to serve others for two years.He inspired us to better.We lost a president 50 years ago but individually and as a nation we lost much more that day.We lost hope and we lost our innocence.In some ways we still mourn as we grasp to understand mans inhumanity to man.In the span of a few years Bobby Kennedy -the presidents brother and Martin Luther King a black preacher and Civil Rights leader were also taken by assassin's bullets.We have our share of problems in this country but we are making progress.And yes there is always hope.

Auctions

Was driving out to Jessica's last week when I heard about an auction.It was equipment from a pain management office in Chattanooga.I love auctions and I love getting a good deal.At first I was all consumed with accessing the value of the equipment and figuring out what I could pay for it.I had these big plans for setting up an office.The bidding process was ongoing for three days. At the end of day two I was winning about 80% of the bids?On the final day the bidding went crazy and I came home with only one lot:a typewriter, a brief case ,two clocks,and an enormous bag of Halls cough drops all for $18.
Wednesday I went to pick up my bargains and in passing asked the auctioneer why the clinic closed.He said the doctor,in his early 40's had a mountain bike accident and was a quadriplegic .I asked if I could walk through the clinic.As I did I was taken with how nice and up to date everything was.How "comfortable" it must have been for his patients and what a tremendous loss for everyone.
One day you are on top of the world-active,wealthy,happy,making a difference,and in an instant your world changes.You can't dress ,bath, or feed yourself?You can't even breathe on your own.Your career is over..Surviving is about all you have the energy for and some days it is just too much.A year has passed and you can breathe without a ventilator and you can drive your wheelchair with your left arm.You can talk and laugh and smile now.
I started off looking for equipment and found something so much more valuable-inspiration from another human being.

November 19th

November 19 th marked 4 years since I got out of hell.The days events still flash before me.Jessica and Mom picked me up at about 1030 and I drove home from Tiptonville,Tn.You don't really appreciate driving unless you have been unable to for about two years.They say going to prison is as close as you will get to dying.I found that to be true as well.You find out that life goes on with or without you.It was a challenging time for all of us and the challenges linger on still.Its kind of like a tattoo that you can never get off of you.The biggest lesson I learned was that I needed God.I wanted to be real and genuine to everyone especially to my family.I studied the Bible,memorized scripture,prayed and listened for God's voice.I had patty caked with those things before but I had an abundant life as for as worldly things go.On the outside it looked like I had things going my way.My wife and I never argued but we never really confronted anything either.We were taking care of foster kids-devotion every morning,church on Sunday and occasionally on Wednesday.Our natural kids all successful.I knew I was in a bad place spiritually when I no longer could pick up my Bible much less read it.But of course I would never ask for help.I could handle this as I had everything else in my life.No time to analyze my feelings or why I had so much anger in my heart.
I won't kid you the last six years have been my hardest ever.I just figured at 60 I wouldn't be pondering my next career move or That I might be perceived as a threat to anyone.There is an old expression that says if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger.I believe that.

In Everything Give Thanks

It is something easy to say but much harder to do -"In everything give thanks".A few days ago I was reminded of how unforgiving and judgemental people are as well as the power of social media.When you and your family are victimized by this it is easy to feel angry and frustrated.You may feel like yelling and screaming or even "wanting to beat someone up.You might even grab the phone book and look up lawyers in the yellow pages- not even sure if we have a phone book now. Those are very human type reactions which we all can relate to on some level.The next day while reading My Upmost for His Highest the title of the devotion was In Everything Give Thanks.After reading that I smiled and said "God that is something only You could Do-send a message that I needed to hear at just the right time.We all question things if we are honest.It is hard to be thankful for everything that comes our way.But what a way to honor God.A way to say to Him and all those we love that no matter what circumstances we face we trust You Lord and we give thanks.

Healing Hands

Went by my old office in Calhoun today.Found a lot of memories that flooded over me like a waterfall.I want lie to you,there are days when I wish I had never left that place but God had another set of plans for us.So today I get some things out of the attic that I will use in my home office.My answer to Obama Care.Quality care at an affordable price.A friend of mine in Dalton has been working out of his home for several years now and both he and his patients love it.It is a new concept for me - for I am a traditionalist at heart.We have what use to be the dining room as my adjusting room.Jolene bought two black screens that will give some privacy-it is the best adjusting room I have ever had.Tomorrow I have three patients and I am excited.We have lost something in this country.Trust in doctors.Trust in our government.We have lost hope. 90% of the docs I know really care about doing the right things and for a reasonable fee.Combine greedy insurance companies with greedy docs and we have a health care system that is out of control.It seems that we are headed for a system of high deductibles which fits right into my plan of low fees with emphasis on prevention.Someone told me the other day that I have healing hands?My wife and I decided to call our office that.God opened a lot of doors so I could become a chiropractor.We sold a building and a house in one week. I drove from Rome to Marietta everyday for almost 4 years.I know God is in this  and after all these years that is all I need.

Coach Smith

I first saw him when  Josh was in the 8th grade and Bradley Junior was playing Truett in basketball.No doubt that Bradley had more talent but those boys from Truett would run through a brick wall for Kent.Josh scored 33 that day and two kindred sprirts connected.Kent would eventually be the winningest coach in Bradley history and Josh would be Mr Basketball in 2000. More than that a friendship was formed between Josh and Kent as well as our whole family.It is rare to see people that are so passionate about what they do .And if one word describes Kent it is passionate.I really think that passion that Josh and Kent had bound them together.The years from 1998-2000 were some of best basketball that Bradley fans ever witnessed capped off by a 37-2 record and a state runner up in 2000.The next group of Bears would include my son Justin,Kellen Corey,Chris and Andrew most of whom had played together since the 4th grade. This group would also be state runner ups and beat hated rival White Station in the Arby's Classic.They would also win over 100 games in that 3 year stretch.It was magic watching the chemistry that team had.I would watch the games while listening to Corky and Gary calling the game as only they could.It was a special time that I still hold close.The news came the other day that Kent was taking a leave of absence from coaching.As we get older we realize that all things eventually end,and thus Kent's time coaching the Bears.We will miss his passion,his slapping the floor and the love that he had for the players. I Am honored to have him as a friend and so glad he coached Josh and Justin .And as Kent would say"Go Bears"./

The Visit

She was home helping her Mom and of course everyone was wanting to see her.She has such a big heart no is not in her vocabulary -yet.My favorite Christian artist is Jeremy Camp.For 7 or 8 years I've been trying to get her to one of his concerts to no avail.So tonight will be the night.Jolene is in Rome and it will just be her and I and Jeremy on DVD.I have this obsession for wanting to share things I love with others.Usually things like food and music or favorite places to run.By now I should be use to the fast passage of time,but it just seems to go faster with each year.And whoever said time heals all wounds obviously never has been broken,completely broken.The transition to adulthood is slow and painful as responsibilities come to rest upon our shoulders.It is also so hard to be a parent to a parent.It also is hard to let one's children assume responsibilities that we use to bear for them.But such is life.One generation unfolding into the next.I am reminded of a few lines from one of my favorite books Everything I Needed To Know I learned in Kindergarten- Take a nap everyday,cookies and milk aren't bad and when things get hard hold hands and stick together.

I Will Paint Your Walls For Free

A friend of mine has Bible verses on the walls in her office.She is going through a hard time and has made some poor choices lately.In Sunday school our kids learned this Your walk talks and your talk talks ,but your walk talks louder than your talk. So in my wisdom I thought about painting her walls for free.You know so her walk and talk would be more in line.Then one morning The Lord reminded me that I should probably look at my walls first.The truth is it is easier to look at someone else's faults than it is to look at our own.I know it is less painful.God impressed upon me that I should pray more for this person .I am so much less judgemental on bended knees.The Bible verses on the walls are important - you never know when someone might need one- might eve n be the person who put them there.

We Are What We Eat

When the stars line up and enough things come together we are finally motivated enough to take action.For me it was several things:turning 60,weighing more than I've ever weighed 215 pounds,realizing that my 36 inch waste was no longer 36 and not having enough energy.So ,I decided to change my diet starting with a 10 day juice fast.This all begins tomorrow.Today I bought $100 worth of veggies and fruits.Whole Foods rocks.I was like a kid in a candy store.Strawberries and kale,collards greens, beets,radishes, kiwis ,blueberries,spinach,celery,and bananas.The colors are simply amazing.I have such a peace about this.What took me so long to get to this place?I asked myself what would I eat if I were diagnosed with cancer.What would I eat to give myself the best chance at maximizing my potential and that would fuel my body.I had tried Advocare it's energy drink and about 20 pills per day.I quickly learn to hate taking 20 pills per day and I still had no energy.Why can't we just get our vitamins and nutrients from our food? I believe that we can and so we will see if my juice fast will do that plus give me a much needed energy boost.I have been in Whole Foods many times but today I actually saw the fruits and vegetables in a different way.The colors were more vibrant .I shopped for only things that were good for me .No cravings were involved,no coupons used.We have all heard the expression we are what we eat.I guess it's about time  I found out if that is true.

Cruising into Sixty

Cruising Into Sixty

Start with a daughter who is so much like Grandmother Hare .Throw in a dad who is turning 60 .Add some great friends and family and let the party begin.Jessica was stressed out about my turning 60,so she called me up and asked me what I wanted to do.I haven't had a party since I was 10.But I reluctantly agreed to a sunset cruise.Jessica said "we don't celebrate  enough,we shouldn't let this moment slip away".She was so right!Of course almost all of my kids were there Richard and Leah,Jess and Damien Ryan and Josh,Justin and Jana.Jolene and Mom, Sara and Mike,Gary and Janet,Angie and Rodney, Mike,John and Tammy,Mike and Elaine.People I was fortunate enough to grow up with ,some I was blessed to call my own,and some I've found along the way.We laughed and talked of old times and for a while we were kids again playing ball in the back yard.It was a beautiful night as we cruised down the Tennessee River.Of course nights like these end way too soon.I hugged and thanked everyone and told them we shouldn't wait too long to do this again.Jessica gave me a treasure chest filled with memories of 35 people who she had contacted.Memories of me and how I had touched their lives.A chest full of gold would not have meant more!Thank you Jessica for reminding me that we can't let moments like these slip away because we can never get them back and cruising at sixty is hard to beat.

Looking Back

The last week in my fifties- my how the time has flown by.Each decade brings about things we must adjust to.In our 20's we usually finish college,get married and start a family.We buy our first home and begin our journey into adulthood.In our thirties we are usually on our second or third job and our family is expanding along with the financial pressures that go along with that.I use to think we would be rich if we ever got to quit buying diapers.Turning thirty was my hardest birthday.I guess it meant I truly was getting older and that my youth was officially ending.In my thirties I went back to school to become a chiropractor and that was a challenge .I started a practice in Calhoun,Ga.That was November1986.My rent was $500/ month.I worked by myself for 3-4 months before hiring Nancy who would be with me until 1995. In 1992 we built a new building as my thirties were drawing to a close.I started playing senior league baseball on Sunday afternoons -we get so busy sometimes we forget how to have fun.Baseball was my first love.It was the first thing I was really good at.Those five years I played -well they taught me the value of having something to look forward to and the importance of being part of a team again-Jolene thought I was just trying to get out of going to church on Sunday evening.The forties are a time of evaluation.We took an Experiencing God course at Floyd Springs Baptist Church.We both said "Lord we will go and do whatever You would have us do".The next thing I knew we were in Cleveland,Tn taking care of 12 foster kids plus our three.That was 1995 and that lasted until 2008.The forties were a busy time of raising kids and going to hundreds of basketball games and way to many soccer matches.We lived in a small house for 7years and then moved to Golden Pond which was 7000 sq ft.over looking a lake.We also got to live in an extended stay hotel for 3 months and go to New Smyrna Beach for a dozen years. During that time I was so busy "Doing things for people " that I was too busy for God.How foolish that was.In my fifties now I felt bone tired and like Jolene and I were on opposing teams.I truly felt like all my prayers were falling on deaf ears and there was no way out of this maze.That we were stuck.In those dark days if you turn to anything other than God you will be eaten alive.Our world fell apart and my mistakes challenged everyone in our family.The fifties were the best of times and the worst of times.I hit rock bottom and took my family with me.It has been my hardest decade but perhaps my most rewarding one.It was a time to confront and deal with things.To know that love will endure no matter what.And at our lowest point God and family will not desert you. I finally learned to play the guitar and I started writing this blog.I know what I want and I have more peace. My
kids who are no longer kids are my best friends.My wife and I have a deeper love for each other.I take one day at a time now.Grand kids were a big part of my fifties. Pure joy when I think of them.
I don't mind turning sixty.Most of the men in my family never made it this far.Next Saturday we will have a riverboat sunset cruise with friends and family to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. A poem I wrote a long time ago comes to mind.
                                                                  Looking Back
Cadillac dreams and Volkswagon realities cause me to reminisce upon occasion .
And when I do I think back to red wagons and times I use to be a Texas ranger.
I built a house when I was three and I saw the world tumble down at five.
I started digging a hole to China with a spoon until someone told me I couldn't .
You know I'm not much for spoons now or people who plant limitation.
There is beauty to be found in crowds
Yet there is a peaceful satisfaction in just being alone
Sometimes pride chases a tear away but a thought from a little boy yesterday reminds me of better times
Now in between what might have been and what will come to pass
There will be I'm sure misforgotten promises and dream like broken glass
So smile at your sorrows and reminder the blind can see
And at times tears are needed to bring back a memory.

We Just Do The Best We Can

I was riding down the road the other and the car in front of me was carrying 3 mattresses  and the driver was holding onto them with his left arm.At first I smiled at the sight as I thought of a Seinfeld episode. Then a wave of sadness hit me. The guy probably had to be out of his apartment that day and with little money or gas put 3 mattresses on his car-held by one rope and one arm and a prayer.To borrow a line from Jessica -It is easy to be critical of others for those of us who have never walked down anything but a privileged path. my reaction that day turned from laughter to tears to admiration. We all just do our best,and sometimes that means carrying 3 mattresses on your car and holding on with all you've got.

We Just Do The Best We can

You can rest in heaven

Last week we went to see some old friends.It was only my second trip to their house in Franklin ,N.C. For over 30 years we had spent every Thanksgiving together.It seemed like every year we would add more and more kids until we peaked at the four of us and around 20 kids.We are all racing toward 60 and Catherine was the first to arrive.2007 was our last celebration together.It was our final year in foster care.Jerry and Cathy got their second wind and went to China and got two boys.They now have 6 or 7 kids and all together maybe16 now.They make it look so easy but it is not .It is the quiet examples of love that speak out to us.The total commitment to do those tasks that others walk away from.They could be retired and living "The Good Life" . I am sure there are days when they think about that but then they simply put on their parenting hats as they have done every day for 35 years and get busy.We rarely tell each other how much we love and appreciate the time we shared and the example that you have been of Christ'slove on this earth.As we made our way out the door I hugged Jerry and Catherine and told them they could rest in heaven.By the way next month they will be getting another boy from China -Amazing!

Father's Day 2013

It is truly a gift being a father.Perhaps it is easier to see that after all one's kids are grown.You think your active days of parenting will never end and you blink and your last child is graduating high school.There are things I would have done differently.Less emphasis on sports more on music and art.I would have taken more vacations ,built more sand castles,and showed the kids more pictures of their grand daddy who they never got to meet.I'd say a prayer with them every day and we would memorize Bible verses together because you just never know when one might come in handy.Aside from any regrets I may have I won the lottery with my kids.They are all everything I could have dreamed them to be and more. I wouldn't have been a father without Jolene. She is everything one would want in a Mom ,which makes being a father so much easier.In the final talley we all would change things we would have done and sometimes in spite of or because of what we do things turn out all right.My kids and grand kids have given me the chance to love and experience love in return and it just doesn't get any better than that

Long time Gone: #37

Long time Gone: #37: Where do I start.The first time I saw her she was a skinny 9th grader.She was so friendly.Little did I know then that we would one day mar...

#37

Where do I start.The first time I saw her she was a skinny 9th grader.She was so friendly.Little did I know then that we would one day marry and raise a family together.We owe a lot to our friend Terri who suggested that we play Rook one night.That lead to listening to the Eagles,sitting in her backyard swing and wondering which way the waves move in the middle of the ocean.We married at Frost Chapel on the Berry College campus and our journey began.No one can explain this amazing thing called love.If you are lucky you do enough things right that the ride is not too bumpy .And if it gets rough you simply hold hands and stick together.Jolene encouraged me to be a chiropractor,I might be a disgruntled teacher or locked in a less rewarding field without her.She wanted 3 kids I was happy with 2 .I would have missed out on Justin-I can't even imagine that.We got into foster care because of her big heart.That experience changed us all and hopefully a few kids along the way.Five years ago she showed me more grace than one person deserves.Most of the things I cherish and hold close to my heart are things she brought into my life.In the movie As Good As It Gets Jack Nickolson says "you make me want to be a better man".Jolene ,you have made me a better man.

The Hand Of God

When I first started practicing almost thirty years ago I called on God quiet a bit for help with difficult cases.Today while examining a post cancer patient with severe neck pain I asked God to be my hands-his response back to me was no my son you be My hands.The lady was out of work with a severely disabled husband and she had come to us because her bucket was full.It is a rare privilege to help relieve patients from their pain.At the end of the day my thoughts still turned to her and several others that had come our way.I use to ask God for help because I was uncertain and yes nervous if I was up to the task.I still marvell that He speaks and shows himself at just the right moment.The lady got off the table-no words were spoken-but we looked at each other and felt the hand of God that had just touched us both.

A Torch Finally Passed

In a few weeks Josh will become only the second doctor in our family.His great,great grandfather John Lucius Garrard was the first.My dad would have been the second but he was taken way too soon.The road has been anything but smooth and the hours have been long and hard.Young person will you spend 8 to 9 years in college,work 4 years at minimum wage and come out owing $250,000 in student loans and did I mention be a parent,be a husband ,and somehow keep your sanity in the process.I knew early on that he was smart.There was this gifted test in kindergarten where he missed the meaning of the word few  that keep him out of the gifted program. Somehow he overcame that.In the seventh grade I paid a visit to his art teacher - the first b he ever made.She was surprised I would care told her I didn't really but I was worried that it would effect him- obviously it didn't .I was 99% sure Josh and Justin would be doctors but thought Jessica may have the best chance to get in.Glad she didn't try-I know 5 kids who would have missed out on a hall of fame mom.Speaking of Jessica she was Josh and Justin's first teacher besides Jolene as they played school all the time.Honestly Josh's first job choice would have been basketball.The discipline he learned from that has carried over into medicine.Josh is what ever parents hopes and dreams about-tall,good looking ,smart,a leader,caring.He will never let you see him sweat and he is cool under pressure but beneath that cool exsteerior is a heart of gold.To whom much is given ,much is expected in return.No worries there.I am sure Josh has been helped by many people along this path but no one deserves more credit than his wife Ryan.She has been amazing the past eight years.Taking care of the kids ,the house ,the yard and of course Josh.Cash and Taylor have provided so much joy and happiness on this journey and there is no limit to what their future holds.
Josh,words aren't enough to express how proud I am of you.You will be a doctor that will make a difference in people's lives everyday.To alleviate pain and suffering is a special call on ones life.People won't care how much you know until they know how much you care.And sometimes the best medicine is not medicine at all.So many decisions in the coming months but this much I know God is directing your path and whatever obstacles you face ,we'll they aren't bigger than the God you serve.It seems as though your mom and I blinked and you went from riding Rambo Hot Wheels,Heman Creatures, and shooting endsless baskets to saving lives and a family of your own.I see Big Daddy,your Grandfather Lucius,and of course Grandmother Hare and Dorothy all smiling,I see so many people so thankful you passed their way.

St Augustine

For years we drove past St Augustine down to New  Smyrna Beach . It is different with 12-15 kids and of course we stayed free back then.St Augustine has a coziness about it that makes you want to live here.Live music at most of the restaurants and a personality that goes with being "the oldest city in America".Our first night we heard Ty - a retired school teacher -play several of our requests and Justin and Jana danced to their song. -Wagon Wheel.Last night we ate BBQ at MoJos and rode downtown in a horse and buggy.The weather was perfect as we explored the city and scouted out future dining spots.I will have to stop by the fountain of youth down here as my shoulder has been hurting for two days. It has been two years since we had been to the beach.There is nothing like the breeze on a long run gently cooling you off or the sand under your feet.At home I would never think of sitting in the sun all morning doing nothing.Maybe that is why God made beaches .To give us something so vast and powerful -something to marvel at-that gives us a small glimpse at his majesty.Something that indeed slows us down as we remove our watches for the week.We will laugh and watch a few movies,listen to music ,run along the beach,and mostly enjoy this special time together.We are all blessed beyond measure as we give thanks to the One who has made it so.

Graduation

In a few days 3 of my kids will graduate...Carley,Steven, and Chistopher. Where did the years go and what I wouldn't give to have just one of those days back for just a moment.I will write something to each of them in a Dr Seuss book The Places You Will Go and truly off they will go into the world.As a parent I probably complained about all I had to do raising 12 foster kids and our 3 but that time was truly the best of times and unfortunately we can't go back no matter how bad we may want to sometimes. It was a season of my life that I will always hold close.I will pray for them and give advice when asked but it is their life and they must make the choices which will define it.I use to say all the time "Life is about choices and those choices will define your life.They all are special and I am so glad they are a part of our family.We think we have all the time in the world.The truth is life is a series of fleeting moments that are ours to capture if only we will .Dr Seuss was right all along -oh the places places you will go!

Overbrook Circle

Went by to overbrook circle to see Jessica and her crew.Addie asked if I had gum,JJ wanted to spend the night,Cooper wanted to roll around on me.I hugged Mom and watch Jessica smile as she nursed Nehemiah Cruz.They are only minutes away now and I can stop by at lunch or buzz by after work.In a few days they will be moving to their dream home-a refuge on a lake.I am reminded that nothing stays the same and that change is really the only constant.It has been such a blessing for me to see them grow and to give my heart away to such precious gifts.You can feel the love when they are around.Boxes scattered in the garage of things accumulated in their time there.I am so happy for them but I know that this special time is coming to an end.I kind of hope heaven will be a place where we all can gather and find comfort in the fact that we will never be separated again.Nothing to pack or move or sadness for that matter.As I back out of the drive I give thanks for all the years we had this and thanks as well for the times to come.

Seems Justified

Got a text today about an office I helped start and manage.Seems business is way down and they may close soon.I met a lot of good people there but the head guy didn't seem to appreciate me or anyone else there.Not one of the original 15 people are there now.Of course a business has to be profitable ,but it also should be fun and in some way productivity rewarded.Several people said I was the best boss they ever had ,but I guess the bosses they had before me were pretty bad.I almost feel guilty in feeling good about the decline.I guess when when you give yourself to a cause and you don't get much back in return you feel justified in your frustrations. As I thought about what to say in the text back to my friend the only words I could think of were "It seems justified that they would fail ".

Mother-in -Law

She will turn 80 tomorrow.My how the years have flown by.All the old mother-in-law jokes -well they certainly don't apply to Loraine.I almost never say Loraine without putting Joe with it.I guess being married almost 60 years will cause that to happen.She means so much to all of us.If there is a better cook I've never met her.She is someone you can always count on to be thoughtful and kind .My Grandmother use to say there are givers and takers in this world-Loraine is most definitely a giver.She poured herself into Jolene,Brenda,and Joey.And of course she did the same with her grand kids and son-in-laws.Of all the calls I had to make a few years ago ,when I caused our world to fall apart, hers was the hardest.Of course without hesitation they were there loving us all though it.We got to travel together watching Josh and Justin play basketball.It was a special time that seems to have ended way too fast.I guess if I am honest I have wondered if I married the right girl but not since I became the right man;however, I've never wanted another mother-in -law.I Marvell at how she has so much energy for everyone else.I know that 80 may sound old but Loraine has more energy than anyone I know.A line from a poem I like goes something like this: Don't just sing me a song,but teach me to sing.For when I'm alone I will need the melody.Loraine thanks for teaching us all how to sing life's songs.And of course HappyBirth Day

Larry

It was Debbie's voice on the phone, "Larry and I are stopping by and bringing you a cake".I was excited to see him as it had been over 15 years.I realized I had been dreaming and the sadness began to set in.We were good friends and we had worked together for years. Two of our kids were the same age.Larry was called home a long time ago. I don't know why we dream what we dream but this whole day I thought about Larry and there were so many good memories.I miss him and I miss that time in our lives.We were younger and all the worlds possibilities were before us.Time does fly by and the older I get the faster it seems to go by.I believe the Man upstairs blessed me with that dream.It was a natural high that carried me the whole day.I am reminded of a line from one of my favorite poems- no one can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass or glory in the flower,it is for us the living rather to find strength in what remains behind.

Easter

I have to admit I was reluctant to spend time with her on this day.My son and his wife were home and we had a very busy day at the office.She was so needy.High blood pressure,overweight,depressed and blood sugar levels off of the chart.We went by Walgreens to get the prescriptions filled-it would be 30 minutes.Of course I will pick them up later no point in tying up the whole day.Then she said she hadn't eaten the whole day and without thinking I said how about Chick-fil-a. I have written before about Gods call to "feed my sheep".It is never convenient and it is never easy.Is 30 minutes too much to give a fellow human being?No doubt it was a Devine appointment.Most of us will get dressed up tomorrow in our Sunday best and look forward to an inspiring sermon and angelic music.Hellen will be sitting alone waiting for the phone to ring.The only thing under my control was this day ,this moment.I realize every day how loved and how blessed I am.Now I am face to face with one who is not as loved and not as blessed as I am.So I try to encourage her.Give her a hug and tell her she is loved.She is crying as she gets out of the car not because she is sad but because another person cares about her and that is so rare in her life.We make things so complicated He says Love and if you love Me "feed my sheep ".I promise Him I will do better with that in the future.I also realize my Easter sermon arrived a little early this year thanks to Hellen.

Ramblings

Five years ago I made a mistake that seeming marked me for the rest of my life. Funny thing about that God used that time to refine me and draw me closer to Him.I know I am a much better person as a result .Not Luke warm any more.Society on the other hand,rarely forgets and thinks no one should be given a second chance.It is truly painful when one of your own feels that way as well.To love as God loves - unconditionally,not an easy thing to do.It had always been a dream of mine to work with my sons.It is always painful when dreams don't work out.The trick is to go on to the next thing on the list.To somehow keep the music playing even when you don't feel like dancing. It is so important to never give up on someone even when they let you down.I decided several years ago not to be around anyone that made me feel uncomfortable nor waste one minute of time doing something that I was miserable doing.Decisions that help me finally begin to know what I want in life.A road map where the only destination is peace.God commands us to love one another -haven't seen anything about spend time with.So I will continue to love - even those that make me uncomfortable - from a distance.I can still hear Grandmother Hare saying  "If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger"Grandmother I sure hope you were right!

Transformed

A text message from a friend whose ministry mainly gives hope to teenagers.He has never asked me for anything so when he did ,without a thought ,I said yes.Of course it would be hard.Of course later in the year would be better but then I thought someone will be at Winterfest that needs to hear Dean and what is that worth?Transformation.Exactly what we need to be when God calls.Not something we would do on our own.Over the last few years God has spoken to me and to be perfectly honest sometimes it made no sense-you want me to give money- have you seen my bank account? Haven't I spent enough time with him?When we hear Him it transforms us.It may not be logical but our God is so much bigger than we can ever imagine. Dean was the first person who visited me in jail.He was the man that asked if I could show him how to be a father.He visited me in prison.Is $750 too much to pay for that? Trust me there is no amount of money for that kind of friend ship and of course it has nothing to do with money.A few years ago Jesus ask 12 guys to follow him.Amazingly they all did.He rarely asks us to step out of our comfort zones.We are all in the process of being transformed,and if we listen closely perhaps we will hear Him

Divorce

A friend casually said we are getting a divorce.Her words came without emotion and with more than    atouch of releaf.The saying marriage is about love but divorce is about money.It saddens me how easy it all is to throw away.On this day I hear how they will always love each other but they just grew apart.Get back to me when you start dividing up the goods.I thought a few years ago we might be better off apart.No doubt there were some broken parts and of course there are things we would change about each other.I feel differently now she is part of me .We talk without speaking sometimes.She knows me.Our kids and grand kids.We are family and yes best friends.Divorce is like dying .An ending.The unknown.Who gets the friends -things are easy to divide.Time will eventually take care of most of the pain.There is a saying"The world eventually breaks everyone ,and some people get stronger at the breaks"

Health

I came home Friday after a very busy day.I knew something wasn't right when I headed to bed around 7pm. A few minutes later I would begin throwing up every 30 minutes for the next 10 hours. As for as I can tell nothing is harder to deal with than that medically.Hugging the toilet and then just lying on the floor because I am too weak to move at the moment.Asking God to please make it go away.Sickness takes away many things from us-particularly our joy of the day to day.It is hard to enjoy life when it is difficult to walk around or sit up.Being in health care much of my day is spent dealing with pain.A patient told me the other day thanks for helping me get my life back.Times like these last few days help me to appreciate that call on my life.

Justice

The courtroom was filled with anxious people- all quietly waiting to find what their punishment would be.First,the shoplifters were called.One young man had stolen a $2.59 candy bar and he got a $500 fine and a mark on his record that will never go away.Plenty of DUI cases, a $1000 fine ,48 hours in jail and lose your license for a year.I heard an interesting statistic the other day-36%of drivers don't have insurance or a license . Now it was Richard 's time .I had a letter from the doctor and I guided the flow of information-felt like I was charged with the crime.This time justice got it right and expunged his record.Maybe that he was one of the few people who had a parent there made a difference or because while he was at the wrong place at the wrong time he has never drank or used drugs and that was his charge.No matter how old your kids are where by birth or by choice you always feel their pain.You also wonder if you did everything you should have while raising them.I asked Richard what he was doing the night he got arrested at the church .He said he was looking for God.And I thought I was teaching him.

Receipts

Every year about this time I organize all my receipts for last years income tax.I always say to myself "I am going to do a better job next year" -the endless quest to get organized.Perhaps we should all keep a receipt of everything we have done over the last year an inventory of sorts to see if we could do it better next time.It was cold yesterday so the perfect time to spend some time on paper work.Everything was spread out in the upstairs bedroom and of course my wife wanted to know how long would this mess be there.Not long my dear but you rarely go there.Guess just knowing there is a mess somewhere is unnerving. Over the last 5 years I see the income going down but someway somehow God has gotten us through. It is so easy to have faith with plenty of money,good health ,and a stable family.The numbers don't lie but logic and reason provide little peace.Peace that passes all understanding -well that only comes from God. So I ll add up the numbers and resolve again to do better as I stick last months receipts on the metal posts-Resolving to do better next year.

Heartache

I was reminded today how hard it is to heal a broken heart.Going through some old files I happened upon a reminder of a time of brokenness.Immediately the heart started to ache.Even as I sit here,hours later the hurt remains.A single ,defined loss is hard but loss on every level of one'slife is sometimes overwhelming .Sometimes I just want things to be like they once were-knowing of course ,that that won't happen. I know that my faith grew during that time and I found out what really mattered in my life as well as those people who really cared about me.I saw the healing power of forgiveness.But times like this remind me of the loss.The disappointment in myself. I guess I thought some things would never touch our family - but I was wrong.I got too busy and I had no time for the most important of things God.Instead of first place in my life ,well He was in the top ten.I can say this now after five years have passed ,and even with an aching heart,that nothing comes close to having God first in your life anything else will eat you alive. I have peace now .Not nearly as insecure as I was before.That happens when you relie on God instead of yourself to be your gps.Nothing stays the same and change is a part of life.And some heartaches are earned and some just come at us for no reason.And yes I wonder if my heart will always hurt

Addie

Addie turned 3 today.Amazing how all of God's children are so unique and amazing.I love the way she smiles and of course my heart melts when she says PaaaaaPaaaa.She likes pink bubble gum and of course white donuts.She seems content and happy as she tries to keep up with JJ and Cooper. When I hold Addie I always think about Jessica at that age.Soo cute you just wanted to say to the world "Isn't this the cutest little girl ever! We need Addie's to remind us of the sweetness and the simplicity of the things that really matter in this ole world. We forget sometimes the things that move us and touch us.That loving someone and them loving us back-well it doesn't get much better than that.I wonder sometimes if God loves each of us in the way that I love Addie? I know He does which is amazing.No matter what He is there.Each person each day is a precious gift.So HappyBirthday Addie! And thank you God for Addie!

Tommy Mitchell

Watched a Charlie Sheen interview the other day and thought of my cousin -Tommy Mitchell Tommy was as cool as the other side of the pillow.An artist,football star and he knew how to talk with the girls.He was the first person I wanted to be like and the first person I had ever drank after.He had a dry sense of humor and if I was ever laughing  uncontrollably on the phone Jolene knew it was either Sara or Tommy.I will never forget one call from Tommy after we had gotten into foster care.Tommy simply said after I said hello "take a gun and blow your brains out ,it would be quicker.Needless to say he thought I was crazy and maybe I was.It would be the first of many calls over the years and the beginning of a close relationship where we each talked of things that really mattered.One voice tempered by years of reason and one built on the philosophy of if it feels good do it.Each of us possibly wanting parts of what the other had.Once during a down time Tommy told me in a dead serious tone -"I'll come and get you and we will just go to this island and forget everything else.Of course I was the reluctant one and the moment passed as most moments like that do.No one can make me laugh as he did and I do miss those phone calls.I do hope I will see him on the other side but just in case I don't thank you God and get him there if you can.

Russ

Lately I have been working too much.My knee hurts as well as my shoulder and of course my energy level is down.Times like this cause one to feel their age.Yes ,I was having a pity party Then I get the call-a friend I order braces from calls me after I text him a small order-from the hospital in Houston where two days ago he had his spleen removed. He sounded good and full of energy-way more energy than I had.Did I mention this is his third round of cancer that has spread to his lungs and liver?I told him how he lifted me up with his attitude and that he meant a lot to me and I would be lifting him up each day.I also told him that we can't wait to express messages that come straight from the heart.After hanging up I felt different.All of a sudden my very minor aches and pains were nothing.At the present time there is no craziness going on in our family.Nothing but gratitude for the Man upstairs.We are all, for the most part blessed beyond measure.So stuff happens and very often happens to very good people.We have to stay positive and it never hurts to get a call from a friend sometimes.