Heartache

I was reminded today how hard it is to heal a broken heart.Going through some old files I happened upon a reminder of a time of brokenness.Immediately the heart started to ache.Even as I sit here,hours later the hurt remains.A single ,defined loss is hard but loss on every level of one'slife is sometimes overwhelming .Sometimes I just want things to be like they once were-knowing of course ,that that won't happen. I know that my faith grew during that time and I found out what really mattered in my life as well as those people who really cared about me.I saw the healing power of forgiveness.But times like this remind me of the loss.The disappointment in myself. I guess I thought some things would never touch our family - but I was wrong.I got too busy and I had no time for the most important of things God.Instead of first place in my life ,well He was in the top ten.I can say this now after five years have passed ,and even with an aching heart,that nothing comes close to having God first in your life anything else will eat you alive. I have peace now .Not nearly as insecure as I was before.That happens when you relie on God instead of yourself to be your gps.Nothing stays the same and change is a part of life.And some heartaches are earned and some just come at us for no reason.And yes I wonder if my heart will always hurt

Addie

Addie turned 3 today.Amazing how all of God's children are so unique and amazing.I love the way she smiles and of course my heart melts when she says PaaaaaPaaaa.She likes pink bubble gum and of course white donuts.She seems content and happy as she tries to keep up with JJ and Cooper. When I hold Addie I always think about Jessica at that age.Soo cute you just wanted to say to the world "Isn't this the cutest little girl ever! We need Addie's to remind us of the sweetness and the simplicity of the things that really matter in this ole world. We forget sometimes the things that move us and touch us.That loving someone and them loving us back-well it doesn't get much better than that.I wonder sometimes if God loves each of us in the way that I love Addie? I know He does which is amazing.No matter what He is there.Each person each day is a precious gift.So HappyBirthday Addie! And thank you God for Addie!

Tommy Mitchell

Watched a Charlie Sheen interview the other day and thought of my cousin -Tommy Mitchell Tommy was as cool as the other side of the pillow.An artist,football star and he knew how to talk with the girls.He was the first person I wanted to be like and the first person I had ever drank after.He had a dry sense of humor and if I was ever laughing  uncontrollably on the phone Jolene knew it was either Sara or Tommy.I will never forget one call from Tommy after we had gotten into foster care.Tommy simply said after I said hello "take a gun and blow your brains out ,it would be quicker.Needless to say he thought I was crazy and maybe I was.It would be the first of many calls over the years and the beginning of a close relationship where we each talked of things that really mattered.One voice tempered by years of reason and one built on the philosophy of if it feels good do it.Each of us possibly wanting parts of what the other had.Once during a down time Tommy told me in a dead serious tone -"I'll come and get you and we will just go to this island and forget everything else.Of course I was the reluctant one and the moment passed as most moments like that do.No one can make me laugh as he did and I do miss those phone calls.I do hope I will see him on the other side but just in case I don't thank you God and get him there if you can.

Russ

Lately I have been working too much.My knee hurts as well as my shoulder and of course my energy level is down.Times like this cause one to feel their age.Yes ,I was having a pity party Then I get the call-a friend I order braces from calls me after I text him a small order-from the hospital in Houston where two days ago he had his spleen removed. He sounded good and full of energy-way more energy than I had.Did I mention this is his third round of cancer that has spread to his lungs and liver?I told him how he lifted me up with his attitude and that he meant a lot to me and I would be lifting him up each day.I also told him that we can't wait to express messages that come straight from the heart.After hanging up I felt different.All of a sudden my very minor aches and pains were nothing.At the present time there is no craziness going on in our family.Nothing but gratitude for the Man upstairs.We are all, for the most part blessed beyond measure.So stuff happens and very often happens to very good people.We have to stay positive and it never hurts to get a call from a friend sometimes.