November 19th

November 19 th marked 4 years since I got out of hell.The days events still flash before me.Jessica and Mom picked me up at about 1030 and I drove home from Tiptonville,Tn.You don't really appreciate driving unless you have been unable to for about two years.They say going to prison is as close as you will get to dying.I found that to be true as well.You find out that life goes on with or without you.It was a challenging time for all of us and the challenges linger on still.Its kind of like a tattoo that you can never get off of you.The biggest lesson I learned was that I needed God.I wanted to be real and genuine to everyone especially to my family.I studied the Bible,memorized scripture,prayed and listened for God's voice.I had patty caked with those things before but I had an abundant life as for as worldly things go.On the outside it looked like I had things going my way.My wife and I never argued but we never really confronted anything either.We were taking care of foster kids-devotion every morning,church on Sunday and occasionally on Wednesday.Our natural kids all successful.I knew I was in a bad place spiritually when I no longer could pick up my Bible much less read it.But of course I would never ask for help.I could handle this as I had everything else in my life.No time to analyze my feelings or why I had so much anger in my heart.
I won't kid you the last six years have been my hardest ever.I just figured at 60 I wouldn't be pondering my next career move or That I might be perceived as a threat to anyone.There is an old expression that says if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger.I believe that.