Father’s Day 2020

It had been over 20 years since I had gone on a run with all of my kids. Jessica had magically arranged this for me .Being a Dad has always been special to me maybe one reason was because I grew up without one but really I was crazy about all of them. No doubt I was the luckiest Dad on the planet. 
Everyone gets busy with their own families and careers and times like today become rare. 


Life is a series of fleeting moments that are ours to capture if we only will. I came up with that a few years ago

I had a little health scare that put an added urgency into this time.  The reality is no one knows how many days we have. So needless to say I was looking forward to this time. 

No matter how fast you would like to go that almost 67 years sets the pace 

I had to catch my breath a few times but we managed a 2 mile run around the beautiful Haig Mill Lake

When they were young I would run at Berry and everyone would ride their bikes

At 13 Jessica ran with me for the first time,then Josh,then Justin.
Honestly I didn’t want that run to end but life marches on. 
That was a most special gift. One that I will always carry in my heart
Love U Dad

Inevitability of Time

It seems like I blinked and another year passed.61,how could that be? Someone said why isn't your hair gray ? I said it was on the inside. Most likely in 20 years there will be no more birthdays.It is not a sad thought it is just the way it is.We see a preview of things to come in our parents eyes.

In my mind there is no way I am 61 but my left knee begs to differ some days.I never thought about "drawing" social security until a few months ago.The other day eating out with a friend of mine the young waitress asked if we wanted the senior discount.After a few moments of awkward silence we both agreeded that we did. Guess there are some advantages of getting older after all.

It's sad it takes so long but with age one comes to understand how the inevitability of time adds beauty to the moment.

                              L. Hare 1976

Running Toward The Pain

A few months ago tragedy struck our cousins family.Her husband of 3 years and father to a beautiful 1 year old daughter was shoot in Atlanta and killed.Camilla and Jessica had grown up together and were roommates at Tennessee.Jessica immediately threw a few things together and headed to Atlanta.Most of us would do just about anything to avoid pain but here my daughter,who turns 38 today,chose to run towards the pain.
At the hardest places in our lives we find those that really matter.Ready with a hug,or to wipe away a tear,but mainly just being there no words necessary.
Jerry,Camilla's dad,told me that Jessica was amazing as she loving cared for everyone and he didn't think they could have gotten through that time without her.God showed up that week in one of His children -Jessica .Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.
I have never been prouder of anyone than I was of Jessica during that time. Thanks Lord for letting her be a part of our lives.
Jessica I love you

to the moon and back.Dad.

Life

A good bit has happened since my last post.A heart attack on August 13th, my step father passed away, and a divorce.Now the good news 5 new and precious angels arrived .Such is the process of life as the bitter mixes with the sweet.Winter is just about over and as I sit on the back porch I feel spring all around.We would like to think we could spare those we love from pain and hardship but it is not a matter of if but when it comes.
When I was having my heart attack God gave me an amazing peace.I wasn't scared but had an attitude of extreme gratitude for everything and everyone He had blessed me with.I also discovered that a heart attack is not as painful as a broken heart.The body is amazing as are the health care workers who helped me through this time.My family was amazing as well.I am back to doing almost everything I use to do but Idid find out I am a horrible patient.
Justin and I went to see Jimmy at the nursing home-it had been over a year since we had seen him.I put my hand on his head and said  a silent pray to God to please free him from this hell.Although he and I had never had a father son relationship it saddened me to see him live like this.He never knew how to invest in others and thus in the end he was without the closeness family usually brings. He was congested and spitting up a foaming looking substance.As we were leaving Justin said he was dying.This was around 3 at 1130 they called to say he had passed.My prayer was answered and Justin was prophetic.The funeral was a reunion of sorts with Colman and Eric,and Erica,and others on Jimmys side I hadn't seen in years.I was a pallbearer as was Josh,Justin,Eric and Colman.We said good bye to Jimmy at a peaceful country cemetery in Calhoun.All the hard feelings over the years had all melted away years ago and a touch of sadness remains when I think of him.
Divorce is a mix of many emotions.Sadness ,anger,releaf,hopefulness and remorse.I was fortunate to help Justin during this time but honestly didn't always know if I was giving him good advice. It was obvious to me after about 6 months that there was trouble and now after 4 years they too decided that.Sometimes there is addition by subtraction.He has a bright future.In 15 months he will move and have a great career in medicine.Hopefully marry again and have kids and a dog. His exwife will finally have to go to work and make her own way.I believe her journey will be filled with pain ,regret,and hardship but in the end I wish her peace for we all shared some good times.
So I wasn't sad to get 2015 in the books.We have to be happy in the now time.Live each day and not be afraid to love each other.

Praying Without Words

It is rare when circumstances come your way and you don't even know what to pray.Ideally, when change is needed one prays for change.When responsibility is needed, one prays to be equipped with that.We always seem to be asking to be more loving and forgiving.
Matters of the heart are really simple,yet we often complicate them.Why can't everyone pull in the same direction and be on the same team.Share responsibility around the house,and financially and at least love others as much as we love ourselves.Balance.
At 61 new cars are no where close to as important as another's feelings.And if I have to choose I will choose people over things every time.We cry out to You Lord sometimes without words just trusting You to Know.

30

In a few days he will turn 30.For some reason 30 was my hardest birthday.The end of being young no doubt an adult now.I close my eyes and I see a chubby little fellow with curly hair.He got endless attention from Josh and Jessica.His Grandparents and Grandmother Hare and of course Mrs Hayes.Right after he started walking he was dribbling a basketball on our hardwood floors.Someone once asked me were I sent him for dribbling lessons.He watched the Pistol and he could do all of Pete Maraviches drills.He was magic on the court.He didn't learn to read until he was nine so he always worked extra hard and would have a 3.92 in college. 

No room here to mention all of the basketball awards but the word unbelievable always comes to mind.

There are some advantages to being the youngest. You have a sister who loves you so much and an older brother whose path you can follow. You are also the last one to leave home and with that you get more time with each parent.Jolene was worried I would have no one to play with when Justin left home. She was probably worried that she might have to take his place.

Even though they are all grown I will always think of them as my kids.From all of us HappyBirthday Little Fellow. Love You Dad

A Big Lap

We got our annual Kenworthy Photo Album and as usual Jessica did a magnificiant job.It is a synopsis of the places they have traveled and  a timeline for how much the kids have grown from one year to the next.They all like to travel and I know for sure that gene didn't come from me.

My great grandparents Dr John Lucius Garrard and Guthia Ferris Garrard raised 6 kids of there own before tragedy struck and their oldest daughter Elizabeth passed away.In their 60's they took in 7 grandkids without even thinking about it.We called them Big Mother and Big Daddy.Big Mother was the first person I knew with a lap big enough for that many kids.One of my fondest memories of Big Mother was sitting on a porch with 6 of my cousins as she cut slices of peaches for each of us.

My wife was next. We had 3 kids but wanted to help more.So we got into foster care for many years and away we went.I am now the same age that Big Daddy was when his 7 grandkids came to live with them.Big Daddy I am impressed!
My Grandmother, a beautiful woman,chose to remain single and help raise the kids.She too was part of the big lap club.
And lastly my daughter Jessica.With 5 kids she still yearns to help more kids.I shouldn't be surprised.She has had generations of living breathing examples to influence her over the years. I also like to think that they are all watching over us and perhaps even sending messages to our hearts